Discovering

In the process of self-discovering again. And I believe I am coming closer and closer to the "ME".

I started to miss you all...

How can I not think of you all? 

I miss you all.

-henz-

Belieber?

Justin's fans are beliebers? Nay, I simply love his songs, without being a belieber. 

Mistletoe 

-henz-

Conviction? Acquittal?

Everyone is innocent, until they're proven otherwise, not? From day one of my prosecution life, there're a number of conviction - of course mostly because of plea of guilty and of course there are instances when cases are being discharged not amounting to acquittal. What should I feel? Happy when there's a conviction? Or sad when there's a discharge or acquittal? Is my duty to warrant a conviction? Or is my job is to adduce the evidence, prosecute the case and let the judge decide on the fact and law? 

Day one in KL courts till today, I should say I've learnt a lot. Of course in term of knowledge and skill, there are still plenty of room for improvement. The challenges I faced from judges, I.Os., defence counsel have carried me to a point where I don't see myself will be at if I didn't join the service from the beginning. 

Soon, a month to go - I will be back in Putrajaya again. And later I am not sure where else I will be posted to. Regardless of where, I believe in the cause and effect. I'll definitely get a place which needs me the most. Whether to stay on service or not, as long as there's learning opportunity, I will stay on. The challenge is there, I will take it. I believe this early exposure of everything will help me in my future - to use what I've learnt to help and contribute to the society. 

-henz-

Curse!

When there is no such thing as lazy leave, you just have to either pick one of those options and be away from work. After taking more than a quarter of my annual leave, I was thinking of clearing my sick leave now. However, I've always failed to do so - either because my so-called working partner was a step earlier than me or I can't cross my conscience. Too cool to say, today, the curse has become reality. My sinus attacked me on the correct day! I gotta take leave tomorrow to visit a doctor if my condition worsen. So, say hi to my first day of sick leave! 

-henz-

Love? Or...

What about a brother who sold his car just to get enough money to bail you out from gallows? Pathetic. 

-henz-

Perspective

How is this little thing looks at the world? Do we share the same perspective? If we don't, why forcing each another to see things the other does? 

Jar of hearts.

A little sharing, a song I like. It doesn't reflect what I'm facing or what. Simply like it. 

Revive

Reviving! 

The Path

Freedom! Break the chains 

Lift up your hearts, now 

you're living again 

Now is the time to break the 

chains 

It feels so good to be giving 

again 

Ever more free from fear, 

Walking in the path. 

There are those who build a path, and those who tear it down. 

There are those who continue to walk a path, and those who stray from it.

 I wish to be a person who forges a path; a person who persists in walking a path.

No matter what; until the end, I will keep walking, keep running.

Even if I should fall along the way, and return to the dust of the land, 

because I believe in the youth who will succeed me along this path, 

I will have not a single regret.

-Daisaku Ikeda-

Voice

I am emotionally into this song and I've been repeating it again and again throughout the night. It somehow touches my soul, brings it to a land of peace, a place where I can actually look at myself, how far have I gone and how far more should I go. Her voice is full of feelings, perhaps it is because she writes and sings out what she feels. A masterpiece. 

Cross Junction

Sometimes, after a long journey, you might find yourself, stuck some where in the middle of the cross junction, where you actually do not know, or rather not so sure, of which direction you should go. In a nut shell, you are stuck. You cannot see what is ahead of you. You are not sure what is the best way for you. Nor are you sure that what are the obstacles ahead. You are just being too afraid to step forward. You are being too ambitious but you are fear, fear of a road that you are now about to take it, alone, all alone. Pretty hard to make any decision, and each decision that you are about to take, is just like an avoidance. An avoidance that you hope you can at least at this juncture of time, you can skip to face the reality. Will you continue to stuck at that junction?

Fear, you are just being too fear to move forward, even a step to try. 

Peace in mind

Life has been so hectic recently. 

It is time to stop my steps and take a look on myself, 

to really appreciate myself 

and to love myself more. 

With this piece of music, 

I take a seat, 

and relax through the night,

seeking for the peace

in my mind. 

I'm coming home

It keeps on calling in my mind, coming home, coming home. Her voice is nice, and it touches my heart, deeply.  And that made me started to think of my family members, one by one. I want to go home, I am coming home, tell the world that I'm coming home. 

Diddy - Dirty Money - Coming Home ft. Skylar Grey

I’m coming home

I’m coming home

Tell the World I’m coming home

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

I’m coming home, I’m coming home

Tell the World that I’m coming

[Diddy]

Back where I belong, yeah I never felt so strong

(I’m back baby)

I feel like there’s nothing that I can’t try

And if you with me put your hands high

(put your hands high)

If you ever lost a light before, this ones for you

And you, the dreams are for you

I hear “The Tears of a Clown”

I hate that song

I feel like they talking to me when it comes on

Another day another Dawn

Another Keisha, nice to meet ya, get the math I’m gone

What am I ‘posed to do when the club lights come on

Its easy to be Puff, its harder to be Sean

What if the twins ask why I aint marry their mom (why, damn!)

How do I respond?

What if my son stares with a face like my own

And says he wants to be like me when he’s grown

Sh-t! But I aint finished growing

Another night the inevitible prolongs

Another day another Dawn

Just tell Taneka and Taresha I’ll be better in the morn’

Another lie that I carry on

I need to get back to the place I belong

[Dirty Money - Chorus]

I’m coming home

I’m coming home

Tell the World I’m coming home

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

I’m coming home, I’m coming home

Tell the World that I’m coming

[Diddy - Verse 2]

“A house is Not a Home“, I hate this song

Diddy Coming Home lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/diddy-coming-home-lyrics.html

Is a house really a home when your loved ones are gone

And n-ggas got the nerve to blame you for it

And you know you woulda took the bullet if you saw it

But oyu felt it and still feel it

And money can’t make up for it or conceal it

But you deal with it and you keep ballin’

Pour out some liquor, play ball and we keep ballin’

Baby we’ve been living in sin ’cause we’ve been really in love

But we’ve been living as friends

So you’ve been a guest in your own home

It’s time to make your house your home

Pick up your phone, come on

[Dirty Money - Chorus]

I’m coming home

I’m coming home

Tell the World I’m coming home

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

I’m coming home, I’m coming home

Tell the World that I’m coming

[Diddy - Verse 3]

“Ain’t No Stopping Us Now“, I love that song

Whenever it comes on it makes me feel strong

I thought I told y’all that we won’t stop

We back cruising through Harlem, Viso blocks

It’s what made me, saved me, drove me crazy

Drove me away than embraced me

Forgave me for all of my shortcomings

Welcome to my homecoming

Yeah it’s been a long time coming

Lot of fights, lot of scars, lot of bottles

Lot of cars, lot of ups, lot of downs

Made it back, lost my dog (I miss you BIG)

And here I stand, a better man! (a better man)

Thank you Lord (Thank you Lord)

[Dirty Money - Chorus]

I’m coming home

I’m coming home

Tell the World I’m coming home

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

I’m coming home, I’m coming home

Tell the World that I’m coming

And it continues to ring in my mind.

And it continues to ring in my mind, it simply reminds me about how sweet you are. Thanks for sharing it with me.

It's Auburn 

And J.R. 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

Well, had him shooting for me like a ball team 

Every guy was a knock out, Don King 

But not none of 'em had smarts, that's my thing 

It's not enough to have balls, Spalding, ha 

One day by Starbucks 

I bumped into a guy rocking black Chucks 

He said "Excuse me beautiful," I said, "Aww, shucks" 

And then he asked, "Well, ay, wanna grab lunch?" 

Never ever ever met a guy so fly 

Got me hooked like apple pie, I 

Think I'm falling and I don't know why 

But I won't fight these butterflies 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

And I swear what we have is just super cool 

The way he's always in my head like a Bluetooth 

I got a text from him, he said come through 

Told me that he wants to kick it, Kung Fu 

Don't do nothing much at all 

Just we and his boys watching football 

He asked for a kiss (Muah) So I gave him two 

He said, "Well, thankyou, baby," I said, "You're welcome, boo" 

Never ever ever met a guy so fly 

Got me hooked like apple pie, I 

Think I'm falling and I don't know why 

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/all-about-him-lyrics-auburn.html ]

But I won't fight these butterflies 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

No, I don't need no fancy cars 

And I don't need no diamond rings 

My baby is all I need and more 

'Cause I don't need those extra things 

It's not about you (Oh-oh-oh-oh) (It's not about you) 

It's not about them (Oh-oh-oh-oh) (It's not about them) 

It's all about me (Oh-oh-oh-oh) (It's all about me) 

And it's all about him (Oh-oh-oh-oh) (It's all about him) 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 

Said it's all about him, yeah 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him 

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me 

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang 

About nobody-e-e-e 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'Cause I'm all about him 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'Cause I'm all about him 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) I'm all about him 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) And we don't give a dang, dang, dang 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) It's all about you 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) It's all about you, boy 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh) It's all about you 

(Oh-oh-oh-oh)

 Love you.

Betray

Just always bear in mind, betray is for once and forever. Once you have breached the trust, do not think that you can simply expect the one that you have betrayed to just wipe off the pain and fear you have planted in his soul. 

Don't try your luck to mend something that you have damaged. Don't even think of blaming the one for not being able to forgive you. Pretty obvious that one can't trust you again after much harms that you have made. You can never expect someone to simply forgive you after you have come forth and give him a hard slap on his face. You can never ask the one to act as if there is no past. The dark past is there. Whatever it is, do think of stopping whatever you are doing at the back. The more you do, the more you cracked the damage. 

Let off.

What has gone wrong?

I feel the pain but I never know why. It gets worse and worse and I still do not know the reason. Until I found out that, I have grabbed too tight - subconsciously.

I decided. To let go might be the best way.

Resources: 

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdh5vQrI7TRJeEciL00ydJkSI4p8Q_atwvy5xmwfxT1lwUlpoKU5mFwcFvwof_eaZnZcGtZWxUfq75Xau44y-GKccrN0yG9aIXYisDSnW9R92S1C5aQRh5fyEziim7ayiF2K9BRXPQGH2P/s1600/hand+with+sand.jpg

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172 New Year’s Gosho

HAVE received a hundred slabs of steamed rice cake and a basket of fruit. New Year’s Day marks the first day, the first month, the beginning of the year, and the start of spring.1 A person who celebrates this day will accumulate virtue and be loved by all, just as the moon becomes full gradually, moving from west to east,2 and as the sun shines more brightly, traveling from east to west. First of all, as to the question of where exactly hell and the Buddha exist, one sutra states that hell exists underground, and another sutra says that the Buddha is in the west. Closer examination, however, reveals that both exist in our five-foot body. This must be true because hell is in the heart of a person who inwardly despises his father and disregards his mother. It is like  the lotus seed, which contains both blossom and fruit. In the same way, the Buddha dwells within our hearts. For example, flint has the potential to produce fire, and gems have intrinsic value. We ordinary people can see neither our own eyelashes, which are so close, nor the heavens in the distance. Likewise, we do not see that the Buddha exists in our own hearts. You may question how it is that the Buddha can reside within us when our bodies, originating from our parents’ sperm and blood, are the source of the three poisons and the seat of carnal desires. But repeated consideration assures us of the truth of this matter. The pure lotus flower blooms out of the muddy pond, the fragrant sandalwood grows from the soil, the graceful cherry blossoms come forth from trees, the beautiful Yang Kuei-fei was born of a woman of low station, and the moon rises from behind the mountains to shed light on them. Misfortune comes from one’s mouth and ruins one, but fortune comes from one’s heart and makes one worthy of respect. The sincerity of making offerings to the Lotus Sutra at the beginning of the New Year is like cherry blossoms blooming from trees, a lotus unfolding in a pond, sandalwood leaves unfurling on the Snow Mountains, or the moon beginning to rise. Now Japan, in becoming an enemy of the Lotus Sutra, has invited misfortune from a thousand miles away. In light of this, it is clear that those who now believe in the Lotus Sutra will gather fortune from ten thousand miles away. The shadow is cast by the form, and just as the shadow follows the form, misfortune will befall the country whose people are hostile to the Lotus Sutra. The believers in the Lotus Sutra, on the other hand, are like the sandalwood with its fragrance. I will write you again. 

Nichiren

The fifth day of the first month

Reply to the wife of Omosu

Background

This letter was written to the wife of Omosu in acknowledgment of offerings Nichiren Daishonin had received from her at the beginning of the year. The precise year of this letter, however, remains unclear. Omosu derived his name from that of the area in which his estate was located, Omosu Village in Fuji District of Suruga Province. His full name was Ishikawa Shimbei Yoshisuke. His wife was the elder sister of Nanjo Tokimitsu. In this letter, Nichiren Daishonin explains the operative principle of the Ten Worlds in a simple, poetic way, revealing that both Buddhahood and hell exist within the life of each individual. A person with a heart full of hatred experiences the world of hell; a person with faith in the Lotus Sutra experiences the world of Buddhahood. 

Notes

1. According to the Japanese lunar calendar, spring begins with the first month— that is, on New Year’s Day by that calendar, which on the Gregorian calendar falls somewhere between January  and February .

2. This refers to the fact that the new moon is first seen in the west just after sunset. On successive nights, as  the moon grows fuller, it appears to have moved a little farther toward the east.

The Writing of Nichiren Daishoin - page 1137 - 1138.

Pray

I sincerely pray for you, my dear friend. 

Get well soon, DanYi.